I was going through some old papers recently and I found a sheet of paper titled “Learning Bureaucratese”. In an effort to declutter, I wanted to trash it, but I also found it entertaining enough that I wanted to remember it. Then it hit me: free content! Here is how to speak bureaucratese:
1. Use nouns as if they were verbs. Don’t say “we must set priorities”. Instead, say “we must prioritize”.
2. Use adjectives as if they were verbs. Say “we finalized the report” instead of “we put the report in final form”.
3. Use several words where one would do. Instead of “now” say “at this point in time”.
4. Avoid active verbs. Never say “study the problem”. Say “It is felt that the problem should be subjected to further study”.
5. Never use ordinary words where unusual words can be used. Say “selected an option” instead of “made a choice”.
6. No matter what subject employ the language of sports and war.