Why The Senate Should Vote AGAINST Gorsuch [A Satire]

A few weeks ago, President Trump nominated Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court to fill the seat vacated by the death of Justice Scalia. Gorsuch was given hearings by the Senate Judiciary committee last week. These hearings have led me to one conclusion about how the Senate should vote: NO. The Senate should emphatically reject this man.


First, in a case in which a truck driver was fired after he had been in the snow for several hours and thus hadn’t gotten his truckload where it needed to be, he ruled against the truck driver and in favor of the evil corporation. It matters not that the law said the corporation was within its rights. It only matters that I feel bad for the truck driver and thus he should’ve won his case.

Second of all, when Jeff Flake asked him if he would choose 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck, he couldn’t come up with an answer. This proves his lack of fitness for the Supreme Court, as this is a much easier question than any the Supreme Court will handle. As an aside, obviously 1 horse sized duck is the right answer to this question. If you think otherwise you’re a collectivist communist pinko.

At this point, I believe I have conclusively proven Neil Gorsuch’s lack of fitness for the Supreme Court. If you think otherwise you’re a neo-fascist capitalist imperialist who hates the little guy.

(In actuality, I support Gorsuch for the Supreme Court, and believe he’d be a great justice, better than Scalia perhaps. I made this article to parody Democrats who are voting against Gorsuch on solely a partisan  basis.)


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